She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
