May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
one two three fourrrrnication!
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
