I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
