I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
