I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
