I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
