we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
