I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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