so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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