god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
