Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
