sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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