Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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