K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize