i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
