At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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