hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
