This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
