if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
