Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
