I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
