belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Your cock deserves a montage
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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