im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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