I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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