Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
