oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
