Texts From Last Night

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  (512): View more from Texas

  3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear

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  (512) 3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear http://tfl.nu/ahne
  Replies (4) Good night (1715) Bad night (2298)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock

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  (202): why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock http://tfl.nu/5322
  Replies (23) Good night (1010) Bad night (3838)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?

  (410): View more from Maryland

  i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.

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  (443): told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why? (410): i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks. http://tfl.nu/uckj
  Replies (63) Good night (824) Bad night (9012)
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  (+44): View more from England

  You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.

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  (+44): You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway. http://tfl.nu/z6cq
  Replies (34) Good night (6141) Bad night (1534)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.

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  (513): i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom. http://tfl.nu/yu7b
  Replies (23) Good night (7125) Bad night (1278)
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  (619): View more from California

  woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.

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  (619): woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word. http://tfl.nu/lmgd
  Replies (20) Good night (5929) Bad night (1366)
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  (518): View more from New York

  In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.

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  (518): In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it. http://tfl.nu/q114
  Replies (10) Good night (7731) Bad night (1070)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Every perfect package comes with a warning label.

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  (330): Every perfect package comes with a warning label. http://tfl.nu/x7rd
  Replies (25) Good night (3932) Bad night (1275)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.

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  (402): Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low. http://tfl.nu/bkkz
  Replies (9) Good night (1539) Bad night (1797)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low

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  (317): My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low http://tfl.nu/zc60
  Replies (7) Good night (1550) Bad night (1185)
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.

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  (224): They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship. http://tfl.nu/ra28
  Replies (4) Good night (796) Bad night (1268)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.

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  (815): Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time. http://tfl.nu/q2s4
  Replies (27) Good night (4113) Bad night (858)
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  (661): View more from California

  Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.

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  (661): Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me. http://tfl.nu/rph6
  Replies (1) Good night (800) Bad night (503)
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  (143): View more from

  I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month

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  (143): I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month http://tfl.nu/nllz
  Replies (1) Good night (363) Bad night (410)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.

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  (+61): So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day. http://tfl.nu/3t4f
  Replies (1) Good night (660) Bad night (287)

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