bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
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I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
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I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man