Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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