She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.