Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(204): View more from Manitoba

this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.

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(503): View more from Oregon

Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.

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(701): View more from North Dakota

I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.

(1-701): View more from North Dakota

Are you high?

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(909): View more from California

You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?

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19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Read it at the TFLN blog
(919): View more from North Carolina

What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?

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(+27): View more from South Africa

I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.

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(210): View more from Texas

Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.

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(616): View more from Michigan

If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void

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