Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low