That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
