I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
