my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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