Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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