Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm always down for nudity.
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