I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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