I feel like I'm in dance class right now
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
