the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I could fuck to npr.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
