i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
