Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
