were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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