i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
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She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
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Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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