Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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