i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
