can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
