I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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