woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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