so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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