OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
