Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
