I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
