she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
