SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
