Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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