Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
