Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
