so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
