Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
