I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You need Xanax blowdarts
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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