Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Randomize
