so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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