If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
