WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Randomize
