Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
