Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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