Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
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