you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
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It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
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we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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