The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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