We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
