I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
