no, he came in my armpit
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
