ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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