the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
she smelled like a LAN party
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
