census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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