I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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