I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
