I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
