Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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