it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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