HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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